THOUGHT OF THE WEEK

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 Last week we spoke of some negatives in relationships. On the positive side you are “in love” with your partner. This is at first a deeply satisfying state . You feel intensely alive. Your existence has suddenly become meaningful because someone needs you, wants you, and makes you feel special, and you do the same for him or her. When you are together you feel whole. The feeling can become so intense that the rest of the world fades into insignificance.

However you may also have noticed that there is a neediness and a clinging quality to the intensity. You become addicted  to the other person. He or she acts on you like a drug. You are on a high when the drug is available, but even the possibility or the thought that he or she might no longer be there for you can lead to jealousy, possessiveness, attempts at manipulation through emotional blackmail, blaming and accusing—fear of loss. If the other person does leave you this can give rise to the most intense hostility or the most profound grief and despair. In an instant loving tenderness can turn into a savage attack or dreadful grief. Where is love now? Can love change into its oppositre in an instant? Was it love in the first place, or just an addictive grasping and clinging?

But there comes a point when your partner behaves in ways that fail to meet your neds, or rather those of your ego. The feelings of fear, pain and lack taht are an intrinsic part of egoic consciousness but had been covered up by the “love relationship” now resurface. Just as with every other addiction, you are on a high when the drug is available, but invariably there comes atime when the drug no longer works for you. When those painful feeling reappear, you may feel them even stronger than before and what is more, you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. This means that you project them outward and attack the other with all the savage violence that is part of your pain.

This attack may awaken the partner’s own pain, and he or she may counter attack. At this point, the ego is still unconsciously hoping that its attack or its attempts at manipulation will be sufficient punishment to induce your partner to change their behavior, so that it can cause them again as a cover-up for your pain.

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